Hello friends! Another heartfelt post about my mind will and emotions...
Currently I'm sort of dumb founded by how much drama's been going around at home.
You know sometimes I just can't even believe I'm a living breathing creature.
It's as if I've set aside my worries & emotions somewhere and I'm completley
content in everything. I still haven't figured out what it is though. I know that it's
deffinatly God. I know that I'm content in his word, and his promises for me.
Currently I'm sort of dumb founded by how much drama's been going around at home.
You know sometimes I just can't even believe I'm a living breathing creature.
It's as if I've set aside my worries & emotions somewhere and I'm completley
content in everything. I still haven't figured out what it is though. I know that it's
deffinatly God. I know that I'm content in his word, and his promises for me.
So sometimes, even when disaster strikes, all I do is sort of blink a bit, dumbfounded.
Then i sort of reject the event. I reject the disaster as if it had never taken place.
And i sit back and do: nothing. I watch TV and bombard myself with cheap media,
i sit infront of the computer and sort of stare at my facebook home page,
I throw myself into my studies, then finally rent out a few DVD's and stay cooped up in my
room watching Sinefield re-runs till 4 o'clock in the morning, then pitch up puffy eyed and
kak tired at school (8:00 am) for my daily exam.
Then i sort of reject the event. I reject the disaster as if it had never taken place.
And i sit back and do: nothing. I watch TV and bombard myself with cheap media,
i sit infront of the computer and sort of stare at my facebook home page,
I throw myself into my studies, then finally rent out a few DVD's and stay cooped up in my
room watching Sinefield re-runs till 4 o'clock in the morning, then pitch up puffy eyed and
kak tired at school (8:00 am) for my daily exam.
And that's how my life's been going for the past, i dnw... 3 to 4 months?
It's like i stopped living. Instead I just existed. And i buried myself into some kind of void
that sucked every bit of genuine emotion in me and left me neutral and bland.
It's like i stopped living. Instead I just existed. And i buried myself into some kind of void
that sucked every bit of genuine emotion in me and left me neutral and bland.
So wait, wait. I'm guessing ... I'm guessing it wasn't God that I was content in.
I'm guessing, it was emotional withdrawl. I can't pin point exactly when it began,
or why, but I'm guessing some emotional traumatic event became too much for me to handle,
so instead of dealing with it, i immediatly let go of it, and burried it under the carpet. And that
worked for me you know. It made things seem a whole lot beter than they actually were.
It made me FEEL a whole lot more powerful, than lets say, how I would feel when
bombarded with emotions.
or why, but I'm guessing some emotional traumatic event became too much for me to handle,
so instead of dealing with it, i immediatly let go of it, and burried it under the carpet. And that
worked for me you know. It made things seem a whole lot beter than they actually were.
It made me FEEL a whole lot more powerful, than lets say, how I would feel when
bombarded with emotions.
So I think I figured to myself: hey, this sorta thing. This thing works.
And I impregnated my mind with thoughts rejecting any means of feeling.
And my mind, therof , correspondingly, gave birth to: this Void
And my mind, therof , correspondingly, gave birth to: this Void
"....I am already given to the power that rules my fate
And I cling to nothing, so I have nothing to defend
I have no thoughts, so I will see
I fear nothing, so I will remember myself
Detached and at ease,
I will dart past the Eagle to be free"
Epiphany
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